My Diagnosis

Growing up I never would have thought my life would take the path it has. As a little girl, my family would describe me as feisty. I was this adorable little dumpling that loved to boss people around. As I got older I was told by countless people that I had a calling on my life. I was never sure of what exactly, until recently.

When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 also known as manic depression. A few years before I was diagnosed I showed signs of deep depression and manic episodes. This all took place when I was around 12 years old. For the life of me, I had no idea what was going on. I felt like God was punishing me and that I was destined for hell.

Once I was finally diagnosed and I had a name for what was going on with me I thought it would get better. But, there is always a calm before the storm. After being diagnosed and put on medication I was fine for a while. The depression was at bay and no signs of any manic episodes were evident. But, the damage was done already. You recall me saying that I was diagnosed at 14 right? Well, I wasn't diagnosed until midway through my first year of high school. Yikes! I know. If you know anything about bipolar disorder then you know the manic episodes are not pretty to watch.

On my first day of high school, I had an episode. Now manic episodes can last anywhere between a few days to several months. With my great luck mine lasted most of my first semester of high school. I was labeled the crazy girl and by my second semester, I was transferred to an alternative school.

Once I started the alternative school all the administrators were shocked. In their eyes, I was a well behaved straight-A student. Which I was. When I was transferred to this alternative school, I was already adjusted to my medication and behaving like myself. I was only at that school for a couple of months then I was transferred back to my regular high school.

That must have been the hardest transition for me. Mostly because every corner I turned I would hear whispers, saw pointing which was most of the time accompanied by laughter. At first, I was discouraged by it. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I then used that to fuel me to be my best. I let my fellow classmates know that I was of sound mind. Not by my words but by my actions.

I ended up graduating with the principal award and with honors. I now know that my calling is to speak up about mental health and share my journey with others to benefit God's kingdom. I am still on medication and struggle with depression every here and then. I am praying and believing for complete healing. I couldn't be more grateful for where God has brought me from and where I am going. Share this blog with anyone who may be struggling with their mental health journey. I want them to know that they are not alone and that God has them!

-Kadee